It all began with\nharassing phone calls and threatening texts. Or to be more precise,\nmy most recent snapshot into a much larger drama began with harassing\nphone calls and threatening texts. While I was the one being harassed\n(a total of 16 phone calls, 15 texts and 8 messages before I got\neverything blocked), I was not the one being threatened. That dubious\ndistinction belonged to a beloved one who appears to have turned the\nkeys to her life over to her addiction. The first call arrived in the\nmiddle of the night and delivered complaints that she had taken his\nvan, which he wanted back. Texts reported that she was ass up naked\nin the middle of the woods. Messages promised that she was headed to\njail and he was headed to see her daughter. Other snippets trickled\nin from a different source: was it gang-related? a van full of crack\nand $500,000? had she called from jail? Finally, the report of a two\nthumbs up text and word that she was dead. For one horrendous,\nheart-stopping hour, we feared that might be the truth. Sometime the\nnext day, she resurfaced and without pausing to take a breath, chided\nus for our concern, minimized the risks before her, downplayed her\nactions and laid out her plan. And so, life goes on and returns to\n\u201cnormal.\u201d \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What kind of normal\nis it when kids have to wait through the agony of that hour,\nwondering what the truth is and how they will ever know if they’ve\nencountered it? When a child ends up in foster care because her\nmother has been evicted and then gone missing, only to be reclaimed\nby parents unable to enroll her in school or fix supper? When a high\nschool student is the confidant who hears of escapades and affairs,\ndrug concoctions and legal fallout? When a college student makes\nother arrangements for summer and winter breaks, suspecting home\nwon’t exist long enough for him to return? My prayers for \u201cthose\nwho long for a people and a place to call home\u201d were birthed by\nstories of gay youth expelled by their parents, but have since\nexpanded to include teens and young adults who literally and\nemotionally have no home to go home to. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even after years of\npractice, my head still has to rehearse the conclusion that there’s\nnothing I can do to turn this around. My heart doesn’t stand a\nchance. So when she calls, as she has and undoubtedly will again, to\nask for help with the rent and to keep the lights on; to report that\nshe’s clean \u2013 this time for keeps; to say that she’s camping in an\nempty apartment and can we spare a mug, towel, set of sheets, some\ncash for food; if we’ll underwrite a great deal on a phone and\nminutes for a month, she’ll be positioned to look for work and\nanother apartment\u2026 My head spins, my clarity crumbles, my stomach\nlurches and my heart despairs. Where on the continuum can I stand?\nSomewhere between closing the door and throwing away the key, and\nencouraging her intimacy with drugs to settle down and stick around,\nbut where? I believe in hope and fresh starts, that manipulation is\nan art form that can be perfected with use, that love never gives up\nand never gives in, that addiction is a cruel beast that distorts\nbeauty and shatters lives, that only the addicted can corral it into\na box, seal it away and strip it of its power. When that day comes,\nwhen she decides to claw her way back, dig the tentacles out of her\npores particle by particle, and lock them up for keeps, the way might\nbe eased by the occasional smile, whiff of grace, glimpse of new\nlife. And if it doesn’t come? Then I’ll stand at her grave and weep,\npondering where things went wrong and what I might have done\ndifferently, wondering when it will end and with whom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It all began with harassing phone calls and threatening texts. Or to be more precise, my most recent snapshot into a much larger drama began with harassing phone calls and threatening texts. While I was the one being harassed (a total of 16 phone calls, 15 texts and 8 messages before I got everything blocked), … <\/p>\n